The first day of the new year has almost come and gone already and I haven’t even made my resolutions. I’ve barely left the house. I had high hopes of getting some work done today, but I just couldn’t drag myself to work.
So what are your new year’s resolutions? One I’ve toyed with is resolving to post here every single day of this year. Note: I’ve toyed with the idea. I haven’t resolved to do it yet. I’ve also toyed witht he standard: lose weight, get into better shape, eat healthier, etc. But I’m not so good with resolutions, so why set myself up for failure?
Another idea I’ve toyed with (as I do every year) is some sort of thoughtful retrospective on 2007. It never happens. I can say off the top of my head that I’m not too sad to see 2007 become history. It’s hard to believe it’s gone, but I won’t miss it. 2007 was rather trying for me on many levels, mostly professionally. It was my first full year practicing law and being a public defender and the learning curve has been brutal. Sadly, I’ve had to learn on the backs of my clients, most of whom have been terrific people to work with and very forgiving of my foibles. Despite having mostly great clients (or maybe because they’re so great and it’s so sad to see the way they get treated by our system), every day I feel like I realize more concretely what makes this job so difficult and why so many people burn out so quickly. To say it’s difficult would be an incredible understatement. It’s hard to work so hard and yet feel so helpless, to so often have so little to offer my clients because their options are so few and my “power” or leverage so close to nonexistent. Head, meet wall: Pound pound pound.
But what I’m finding most difficult now, and my challenge for 2008, is coping with judges and prosecutors who are unreasonable and all too willing to bend or break the law when they can and when doing so will secure a guilty plea or more prison time for my clients. This job would be hard enough if everyone followed the rules; it becomes close to impossible when your opponents seem to think the rules don’t apply to them. I’ve seen things that have made me so angry I thought I would explode, things that have kept me awake for nights on end racking my brain to think of responses that would hold a prosecutor or judge responsible for what he/she just did to my client that was either unethical, unjust, or outright illegal — or all three at once. I really don’t know how anyone can do this job without being furious nearly all the time. As the cliche goes, if you’re not angry, you’re just not paying attention. That said, my challenge for 2008 is to learn to channel that anger to productive ends. Anger that does not turn into action that helps a current or future client is just wasted energy. This year, I hope to learn not to waste energy and instead to focus it where I can do the most good for my clients.
Outside of work, I’ll 2007 also remember 2007 as the year I really learned what my law school loan debt was going to mean to my everyday life. The answer? It’s crippling! As I’ve noted before, I take home about $2200/month; my student loan payments are $1100/month. So not cool.
Beyond those things… Sadly, 2007 did not hold much more for me than work. That was where I focused time and energy, and that is how I’ll remember the year. Although I’m not making it a formal sort of resolution, I do hope to figure out a better work-life balance in 2008. Not going into work today at all was maybe a good start.
About those resolutions, I heard on my radio programs this morning that men will be more successful in keeping their resolutions if they set very specific goals, e.g.: I will post at least once every day on this blog. Women, on the other hand, will supposedly be more successful if they make their resolutions public, making sure to share them with family and friends. Only one in ten resolutions gets kept. Will yours be one of them this year? Will mine? Let’s both hope so.
May all who read this have a great 2008! Now where’s that box of doughnuts…..? ;-) [tags]resolutions, worklife balance[/tags]
